I know that things have definitely fizzled out between me and my lover...I was silly to hope that our passion for one another would sustain time and distance. His communication with me has become less and less, and life has run away with us, and away from each other. So, I distract myself. I seek comfort in the busyness of my days, trying to find another to occupy my heart and mind, and try to tell myself that it was always meant to be this way...that we were never supposed to really want one another. I tell myself that this is all in my head and that he is indifferent.
All of that, I could forgive, and hide and bury deep inside of me, and not really speak of it to anyone...except when I sleep and dream. My dream last night was so vivid...I could feel him, smell him, he was everywhere and I woke-up in tears. I miss him and I hate it. No matter how hard I push it down, it comes back up one way or another. Dreams betray me, and yet I can't wait until I can dream about him again.
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